Are we REALLY ready to have a baby?!?!

Despite the party line that having a baby was in the "five-year plan" for us, I think I wanted to have kids from the day we got married. Being the hard-core pragmatist that I am, having kids right away, however, did not seem very logical. I wanted to get used to newlywed living (even though we had already been together for nearly 6 years!) Plus, there was so much that we still wanted to do and see before the kids arrived. Big things like traveling, paying down some debt, getting a newer car moving into a place with more than one bedroom and even little things like getting a full night's sleep or going to the movies seemed rather important.

Don't get me wrong, we were happy with our role as DINKS (Double Income, No Kids) and settled into it nicely. But I must say there is definitely something contagious about pregnancy. When my best friend Mackenzie got pregnant with her first baby, Jack, more that three years ago (and only a little over 2 years into our "five-year plan")it was difficult to NOT think about what life would be like if WE had a baby too. I guess that is part of what happens when your closest friends move into a new life stage. It rubs off on you! It doesn't help that there is something inherent in the way a baby smells just after they have had a bath that makes one's uterus ache!

But God knows best and provided me with the best form of birth control a girl could ask for in such a time of weakness.... a position as Children's Pastor here in our church. Again, don't misunderstand me! I still LOVE kids and enjoy spending time with them but I no longer felt like I was missing out as much anymore. We were certainly getting our fill of play time, hugs, kisses and fun from our friends' kids. But I also became more keenly aware of how much Will and I were able to do together because we DIDN'T have kids of our own. Suddenly, the five-year plan didn't seem so bad afterall.

Throughout the past five years, I think we have often confronted that nagging question... are we ready to have kids?!?!? The answer was always no! Candidly, I have to say that the answer is STILL no! There are still several things on my master check-list that we didn't get done... we don't own our own home yet, we never did get to Europe and we still have debt. But I think it is true what they say: you will NEVER be completely ready for kids.

Still, I don't feel like the last five years were a waste. Will and I have really gotten this marriage thing down pretty well (if I do say so myself!) We have certainly seen some rocky patches but the fact that we have made it through them makes me confident that we will make it through the others that I am sure are to come. We also have had the chance to do some traveling and we most likely WOULD have made it back to Europe if we hadn't fallen in love with the little Island of Maui. I guess I cannot complain :) We also have been hiking through the rain forest in Belize and seen Mayan ruins... also pretty cool and difficult to do with a baby in tow. Will has found his passion in life (photography) and is making HUGE strides in making that a career for himself someday (and I think it is often more difficult to dream big like that when you feel the added weight of a family to support. So, I am glad he is moving quickly along that path before PIP arrives!)

All in all, I think we just began to realize that it was time. We feel so blessed by where we are at right now and, even though we don't feel READY, we have everything we truly need to make a happy family. (Well, all that plus feeling like 30 isn't far around the bend for me and I don't want my eggs turning to dust... I guess that did play a minor role!)

So, Project Keiki ("kid" in hawaiian) commenced when we went to Hawaii for our 5-year anniversary. After just two months, we had big news... how I shared it with everyone can wait until another post. As for now, I need to eat something (again... shocking!)

Where do we begin?

Well, I have never really blogged before, so this is very new to me! It always seemed a little self-indulgent to me... to assume that people really cared what I have to say about life, politics, religion and so forth. The strange thing is that I have always LOVED reading other people's blogs, so I guess it isn't so crazy to start my own. Especially now that I have more to ramble about.

Just two weeks ago, Will and I found out that we are expecting our first baby in October. It is still an overwhelming feeling and I wonder when or if it ever actually sinks in that you are going to become someone's PARENT! What an awesome responsibility! It is MY job to shape this little person into a contributing member of society. No pressure, just make sure he doesn't become a serial killer, right? The idea that it is my turn to potentially scar my child for life or inspire them to greatness is just a lot to take in! It is oddly exciting and scary all at once. I am certain it is going to be quite an adventure. And that is why I am writing this blog... so that you can join us!

I hope to give you lots of insight into this journey (maybe more than you ever wanted to know... I will try to warn you when I cover more sensitive issues, but for anyone who knows me, you know I certainly don't shy away from the issues that are deemed unworthy of "table talk.") and I hope to hear from you too about your own feeling or your own reflections on YOUR journey into parenthood. I hope to learn from you and, in turn, give you a sense of hope that, as much as things change throughout our lifetime, so much also stays the same... from the mix of panic and elation that every person feels when they hear those 6 life-changing words "we're going to have a baby" to the sheer peace you feel when a new baby falls asleep on your chest.

We are so excited to share this journey with you... thanks for joining us as we anxiously await the arrival of little PIP.