...everything was going great. I weighed in (+11 lbs since my first appointment. I wanted to be at 10 but it is close enough, I suppose!) Then, we started discussing my AFP test (a test that detects chromosonal abnormalities that I was hesitant to take because I had heard a lot about false positives and I really didn't think it would change much anyway, but we took anyway) and that all of that had come out normal... all was going very well. Then, Lynn tried to find the heartbeat. It wasn't any different than the first two times when she found it swishing right away. EXCEPT this time, it was silent. There were occassional swishes (that usually indicate kicks or movement) but nothing that resembled a heart beat. Lynn kept trying and I asked her if she was worried. Not yet was her reply. She kept looks and pressing on my belly but we couldn't get it. She mentioned that everything else looked right on schedule for 20 weeks but the fact that it took so long to find it was a little troubling. After several grouling minutes, she decided to whisk us into the ultrasound room. I wasn't sure what to think. Part of me was certain everything was fine... afterall, I had been feeling Pip move around for weeks now (and getting more and more sure of what felt like kicking versus rolling, etc.) but then part of me could not help but be concerned. I began to worry that maybe I had been making it all up, or that it had all been in my head. I just remember lying down on that table and praying that we would not see a lifeless little being on the screen next to me. I could not even imagine the horror. Will was so good throughout the whole thing. He held my hand, kissed my forehead and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be just fine. I am SO glad that he was there.
In just moments, Lynn had lubed up my belly and stuck the wand on it. Right away she said "Well, there's your baby!" My first question was "where is the heartbeat?" After just a second, we saw it. A beautiful four-chamber heart just beating away. I was so relieved and so overwhelmed at the sight of my child that I didn't even know what to think. It was all so unbelievable! We weren't even supposed to have an ultrasound for another week or two and here we were, SEEING Pip for the very first time. It was amazing!
It turns out Pip was hiding behind my placenta and seems to be doing just fine. Lynn was great and let us look for quite awhile before putting the wand away. Unfortunately, there was no way to take pictures on that machine but, of course, Pip's daddy ALWAYS has his camera on him so he was able to get some shots of Pip's big moment. The hardest part was probably when Lynn asked us if we were certain that we didn't want to know Pip's gender. Part of me was dying to find out. I asked her if she could tell and she coyly said no but I get the impression she could (could this mean blue in our future?) But I am certain that if we can get through the NEXT ultrasound (our official one on the 30th) then we may be able to stick with the plan.
We all did agree at this point that Pip is, indeed, a trouble maker!! Even Lynn called Pip a brat. Will and I could not agree more. He/she already gave us quite a scare and a brief glimpse into how scary this parenting thing is really going to be. Since Thursday, I spend more time than ever thinking about this baby. Maybe it has to do with finally SEEING Pip or maybe it is just the realization that I am so emotionally invested in this little being already. Either way, I have a feeling parenthood is going to be just like Thursday was... a mix of the most amazing and miraculous things I have ever been a part of in my life. Both terrifying and wonderful.
Of course, the day was well documented... here are some quick shots (that you can also find on the parris-studios blog as well) so that you can get a feel for the big day. Enjoy :)
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