Letting the cat out of the bag... so to speak

As I write this, I realize it has been exactly one month ago today that I took my home pregnancy test. Crazy. This month seems to have dragged on and on!! That first day was brutal. I took the test alone on that Monday morning. I pretty much knew I was pregnant (that crazy "knowing your body" business really pays off!) and really took the test for confirmation. I guess I could never really prepare myself for that feeling of seeing two pink lines though. It was pretty surreal. I felt flat out giddy at first. I was busting at the seams and began thinking of sneaky ways to tell Will the big news. My original plan called for an elaborate scheme at Disneyland that coming Friday (since Will was taking the day off early and we were meeting friends there that evening.) It didn't take me long, however, to realize that waiting a whole week to tell him would be next to impossible! That first night, I was the only person in the world that knew this GIANT secret and it was KILLING ME! I remember that first day being consumed by it. I would think it a personal victory anytime I realized that 5 minutes had passed and I hadn't thought about the fact that I was pregnant.
That evening, I tossed and turned. I could barely look at Will without bursting! I decided (in my many waking hours of that night) that I had to tell him sooner rather than later. I just knew that I wanted it to be special!



I remembered we had bought a onsie in Maui back in December. So I wrapped it up and placed the tiny gift on the stairs so that when he got home, he would see it right away.
One the outside, it said, "Consider this an early Valentine's Day gift (or a very early birthday present)" Inside was a little card that said, "Your birthday present has been special ordered." Once he opened up the tissue underneath, he found the onsie with a note attached "Estimated Delivery, October 11th" (the original date that I had predicted, before I saw my midwife). I had also typed up a little letter from the baby to him, explaining more of how the past day or so had panned out.
Waiting for him to come home was grueling. When I finally heard the garage door, I went upstairs. I heard him come up too. He was holding the gift in his hand with a very strange expression on his face. "Am I supposed to open this?", he asked. I nodded and he proceeded. My heart was beating out of my chest. When he got to the onsie, he just looked at me with an expression of shock. We hugged and laughed. He read the letter and we cried. It was pretty amazing.

We decided to wait to tell family until after I saw my midwife for the first time. Even though she didn't really DO anything at the first appointment (other than answer my lengthy list of questions and take some urine and multiple viles of blood) it just made it all feel more real. We decided to tell everyone for Valentine's Day. We made out own valentines with two hearts on the front (and our initials) and then two big hearts on the inside (again with our initials) and one little heart underneath them. We signed it, "Love, the Parris Family!"


The first person we told was Lisa. She went with us down to South Coast Plaza that day of my appointment and we knew we couldn't keep it in. It is so difficult NOT to tell people! So, we made a prototype of the card and gave it to her that night. She didn't get it right away... no until she saw "the Parris Family." She was so excited and it was so fun to share our news!

Grant was next (I guess that is the advantage of living close by! You get the news first because otherwise, it would be really Difficult to ignore you or not let the news slip!) We gave him and Danielle (his girlfriend) the card. Grant didn't get it at first. The look on Danielle's face told us she had a hunch. We confirmed that hunch. Another one down!

I managed to avoid talking to my parents for about two weeks. I just knew I would NOT be able to talk to my mom and not tell her. I knew she would be excited to be having TWO grandbabies this year! We constucted the cards and send them out (overnight to the parents, regular mail to the siblings and grandparents... I knew that if our mothers found out through the grapevine, we would be in BIG trouble). Then, we waited! Everytime the phone rang I thought it might be someone who had just received their card. Nothing. I hate the post office. Our overnight mail got to Utah 2 days later and to Boise 3 days later. In the end, it didn't matter. Everyone was so excited and the news became more and more real with every person that we got to share it with.

Even now, there are LOTS of people who don't know. We really wanted to wait until after we heard the heart beat to tell the whole world (especially all the church folk) but as the weeks have progressed, we have become more and more comfortable with telling our friends.

I sometimes worry about the miscarriage factor but have replaced my fears and nagging concerns with mantras. Any time I get a twinge of worry (particularly when the cramps come) I just begin thanking God for this enormous blessing. I thank him for the fact that we know we can even GET pregnant (and rather easily). I thank him for every week I have had with this baby thus far. I thank him for the blessing that it is to be a woman, to learn more already about the care that he has for me based on my irrational and maternal care that I already have for this little one inside of me. It truly is a blessing. I also think that if (God forbid) something were to happen and we can't have this baby, those that have shared in our joy so far will be more able to empathize with our grief because they too feel it. Maybe it is selfish of me, but that is not something I want to go through alone.

Well, I should eat (again!)

By the way, I hope you don't feel as though you have to read everything I write here... I actually write it just as much for me as I document this journey (and for PIP to read someday) as I do for the rest of you out there to read. So, if you do read it, thanks! If you don't, know that I really don't mind.... it can feel deeply personal sometimes anyway :) Maybe it is better for me to pretend NOBODY is reading it :)