Our full life...

So, I have begun to realize that we have truly become "those neighbors." I had always hoped to avoid such labels. No luck though. I think it has become inevitable. The house next door has been on the market for several months now... could be that the economy is just THAT bad, that the house needs some work... OR it could be that nobody wants to live next to people like US; people who leave their Christmas lights up all year long. I cringe just typing that.

Here we are in June and our Christmas lights are still up. On top of that, our lawn hasn't been mowed in weeks and the weeds are starting to take over the rose garden. On the one hand, I lament the fact that I underestimated the "joys" of homeownership and the small task of raising a child. It just feels as though the to-do list grows and grows. On the other hand, I have begun to see these things as a mark of the fullness of our lives right now. It is a crazy, happy, overwhelming kind of full... and I am not sure we know how to live any other way (furthermore, I am not sure if we want to).

I know I have missed out on so much posting here in the blog... another mark of our insanely busy life. I wish that I had been able to sit down more and just process what all is going on in my head these days but I am not even sure I could make heads or tails of it all.

The beginning of May got me thinking a lot about motherhood as I celebrated my first "official" Mother's Day. It is so hard to believe how much has happened in this past year. Looking at Charlie now, it is truly amazing to think of how far we have all come. Talk about baptism by fire. I think Will and I have learned more about what it means to be parents in this first year than we ever could have anticipated. The level of vulnerability is hard to describe to anyone who has yet to have kids. It is just such as massive weight. We were reminded of this the week before mother's day when Charlie got really ill with a terrible cough. It was bad enough that her pediatrician wanted us to get a chest x-ray done. Of course, to get that, we had to go over to CHOC.. to the second floor, Radiology... right next to the NICU.
Parking in the structure, walking through the lobby doors, riding the elevator up, it was all so reminiscent of a whole other lifetime for us. This time, however, was certainly different. This time. we weren't holding our breath in fear of hearing bad news, we weren't leaving our child in the care of others for nights on end... this time, we were coming and LEAVING with our baby. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a FUN trip (seriously, if you ever have to get a chest x-ray to an infant, beware the medieval torture devise that they use for it... and make sure that they get a decent picture so you don't have to try to get the screaming and traumatized infant BACK into the contraption for round two!) but it was certainly easier than having to say goodbye to her every day for two months. How far we have come... how different life is now... how fun, how full....

I think about being a mom and, in spite of all the pain and fear we have experienced, I think motherhood is, by far, the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Charlie is so much fun right now. She sings and babbles ALL the time. It cracks us up. She loves to feed herself (finger foods are her favorite, she currently loves chicken, watermelon and black beans) and she is now rolling and scooting all over the place (in reverse, but that still counts!) She also waves and (sometimes) will do high 5's. My favorite though is the "ooh, oooh, oooh" monkey-noise that she makes anytime she gets excited. Sleeping from 9PM until about 6:30AM everyday is also a beautiful thing. She is even getting better about her naps during the day. It is all starting to make me realize how fast time is going by and how quickly she is growing up. Watching her shovel food into her mouth and chit-chat with us in between bites makes me laugh but it also reminds me of how big she is getting. I have to check myself sometimes and remember that she IS coming up on her first birthday (rather quickly) but it just doesn't seem possible that our tiny, sweet 2lb, 8oz preemie is now nearly 16 pounds and chock-full of personality. I couldn't even begin to describe how grateful I am for her. She has made us a family. I can't imagine what life was even like before she came. Not nearly as fun (or full) as it is now.

So, on my first Mother's Day, I took some time to just hold my sweet girl and rock her to sleep (while she will still let me). I tried to breathe her in and tuck away every detail of her and just be conscious of what an enormous blessing it is to be a mom... to be Charlie's mom.

Mother's Day was also baby dedication day at church and we got to dedicate Charlie (along with 8 of her little friends!!) It was a busy Sunday. In addition to baby dedication, Will took family pictures at church (a special gift for moms) and I actually did a little sermonette (of sorts) that Sunday. It went well, well enough that there is discussion of me doing it again, possibly even a full sermon and all by my lonesome (I told them not to get carried away!! :)) We then went to a late lunch at Roy's Hawaiian Fusion (so yum!!) and then I asked Will to do a quite shoot (of sorts) of the girl and me. She is so stinking photogenic! Seriously... she is the cutest little girl.

And as proof... here are some MUCH overdue pictures... these are all from my first official Mother's Day :)